Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
two words: eviction party
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
