My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
