how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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