If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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