We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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