someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize