Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
