Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
