I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
