...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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