4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Im at strip club and am horny
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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