I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
