new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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