the condom got lost in my hair
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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