I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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