felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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