Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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