yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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