Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
