Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
