Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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