He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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