so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
