just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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