I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
