Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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