Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
as a side note pls kill me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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