im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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