O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
