So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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