he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
