You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
