that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
