I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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