Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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