rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
