I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
