the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
