I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
