she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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