John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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