we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
