Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
