He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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