You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
