Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?

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(408): View more from California

I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.

Fav 20 3699 2016
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(971): View more from Oregon

Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.

Fav 6 2467 2004
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.

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(613): View more from Ontario

Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital

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(315): View more from New York

you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain

Fav 1 702 515
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(248): View more from Michigan

So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.

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(705): View more from Ontario

I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother

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