I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
