So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
