I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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