How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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