I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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