I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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