I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
