he thought i was a dude.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
