I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
