Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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