Sry I called you an 8
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
