fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
