please come you make the beer taste better
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
