found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
