john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
