It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
