Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
