We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
