Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize