I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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