So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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