if you like me you must not know who I am
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
