I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My balls are so social today.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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